Feeling Like a Failure

I got an idea. I thought it was a pretty good idea. But now, I'm wondering . . . 

Looking over the ELA standards, my partners and I started to concoct an idea. Rather than doing the usual argumentative essay, let's do a debate unit! YES! It'll be exciting! It'll be authentic! It'll be awesome!

Until it wasn't. 

It all started so well. Our first activity was called Overboard. Five "famous" people in a sinking boat had to convince the audience to "save" them so they wouldn't be thrown overboard. The person with the least amount of votes was thrown overboard. Each round got more and more intense and their powers of persuasion got more and inspiring. The students were excited. They were raising hands, joining in, laughing. Yes! Good first step.

As the weeks passed, we compromised. Between our lessons about rhetorical appeals, bias, and fallacies, we played debating games like This and That and Philosophical Chairs. I was feeling pretty good about our work together. Reading through Op-Eds, they recognized the bias and illogical arguments from professional writers. YES! They were learning!

Now, for the final project . . . a full Public Format debate. The resolution! The Opening Statements! THE CROSSFIRE! We'd have Affirmative and Negative Stances. We'd have a student moderator and judges. In the end, there would be a winner and a loser. Pride was at stake here!

Day One of the Formal Debates arrived and I was prepared. The rubrics were freshly printed. The judges' evaluation forms were posted to Google Classroom. Tables and chairs were moved and the entire classroom transformed into a courtroom-like atmosphere. I typed up a cheat sheet for the moderator to help them keep focused and following a time schedule so we could be done by the end of the class period. I made signs to attach to the tables that read "Affirmative Stance" and "Negative Stance." I was prepared, intentional, ready.

Ready for everything except the possibility that no one would show. In my quest for learning that was Irresistible, Deep, Exciting, and Authentic, I left my students behind. One entire debate team - both Affirmative and Negative Stance - didn't show up for their scheduled debate. I could understand if one person was missing but the whole team? I chalked it up to unpreparedness and lack of integrity until it happened the next day when the Affirmative Stance didn't show up. Another illness? Or something else?

In our first meeting of the Secondary Leadership Cadre, Jeff Utecht encouraged us to FAIL. First Attempt At Learning. F-A-I-L. At the time, I thought it was an empowering acronym. I was inspired. I was going to FAIL so that I could learn. But, facing real failure in the real world, it wasn't inspiring. It was energy-draining, soul-sucking, frustration-inducing.  

Sitting here twelve hours later, I'm at a loss. I thought it was such a great idea but, clearly, I missed something along the way. Of course, it's Friday night after a long, busy week and I may be overly tired. But, I also need to acknowledge that I didn't listen to my students when they made a comment, asked a question, shared a concern. Oh, I heard them say something but was I really listening? I mean, really listening?? In my quest for the most engaging, most exciting, most authentic educational experience I could plan, perhaps I needed to stop and listen to the voices right in front of me. 

One of my Twitter teacher heroes, Monte Syrie, says that creating student relationships should be every teacher's # 1 priority. I need to take a moment, take a breath, and get to know my students better. If I had done that within the last nine weeks, right now I wouldn't be feeling like a failure.